Internal Family Systems (IFS) for children, teens, and families
I use IFS with young people who feel pulled in different directions inside. It helps us notice the different parts of them that show up in worry, shutdown, anger, or hurt.
How I use it
Lillian Lai, LCSW
With children, IFS often happens through play, stories, and naming feelings in a simple way. With teens, it may sound more like noticing patterns, inner conflict, and the different voices that show up in stressful moments. With families, I may help everyone slow down enough to hear what is happening underneath quick reactions. I use the model in a way that fits the person in front of me, not as a script.
I listen for the parts underneath the behavior.
Who it tends to suit
Sometimes a child seems fine one minute and overwhelmed the next. A teen may sound confident on the outside but feel criticized, scared, or stuck inside. Families may notice repeated clashes that seem to come from nowhere. IFS gives us a way to understand those inner reactions without reducing the person to one label or one feeling.
- Part of me wants to talk, and part of me shuts down.
- I get mad before I can even think.
- I feel like I have different reactions all the time.
- I don’t know why I do the things I do.
What the first sessions look like
In the first sessions, I introduce the idea of different inner parts in a simple, age-appropriate way. We talk about what each part is trying to do, and I pay attention to what helps the child, teen, or family stay curious instead of overwhelmed.
Questions people ask
What does IFS therapy look like for a child?
It usually looks simple and concrete, not technical. I might use play, drawings, or stories to help them notice different feelings and reactions.
Can IFS help with family arguments?
It can help families slow down and understand what’s happening underneath the argument. We look at what each person is protecting, needing, or reacting to.
Do teens usually understand the IFS idea?
Many teens connect with it because it gives language for mixed feelings. We keep it practical and use examples from their own life.
Is IFS only about emotions?
No, it’s also about behavior and patterns. We pay attention to what a part is trying to do and how it shows up in everyday life.
About Child & Teen Therapist in Yorba Linda, CA
I work with children, teens, and families who are dealing with anxiety, trauma, depression, or family transitions. I see people in person in Yorba Linda and online across California.
Talk it through with Lillian
Tell us what has been going on and we will take it from there.